It seemed so familiar, the feeling. Yes – I’d definitely been there before. And the worst thing is, every time this has happened, a part of me feels kind of relieved – in a “mission accomplished” way. I think I’ve got a bit of a problem.

After desperately trying to run up my last couple of hundred dollars and donating it all to a lucky regular at a HU PLO400 table within a minute and 16 seconds (oh and before you even start – the last time I busted my roll, I already learned that you get dealt four cards and all that.. so I clearly knew what I was doing!!1), I calmly placed the laptop on my side and stared at the wall with a blank look on my face.

How many times have I been in this exact situation? No one could tell. Oh, the memories that started running through my head. It felt like one of the many good old degenerate days in 2007/2008 back home in Estonia. For example, how could I forget the day when I was just sitting in my apartment in the Old Town (which I was renting because I was 18 years old, “baller” and generally frickin’ awesome) on a Saturday afternoon, counting the empty beer bottles from the previous night (93), trying to remember if the chick I’d just sent away had been any good in bed and most importantly thinking: “brilliant – it’s the time of the month again.. so where the hell am I going to find the rent money this time”.

A few hundred EEK (Estonian currency – around 20 USD) in my pocket, I was still sitting there on my couch. I’ve got this weird thing with American Idol and other similar shows involving music. I just love them to the point where you could call it obsessive and secretly wish I was on there. So I opened one of my favourite episodes of AI but nothing. Still hung-over and still at least 600-700 USD short of rent. Next, I tried my luck with some porn. Nope – nice try, though.

“Maybe I’ve got a few FPPs on PokerStars that I can run up”, I thought. “YES!!!!”, I yelled about 11 seconds later while jumping up from my couch. You’re right, my dear readers – I had a whopping $2.66 on my account. All I had to do next was steal a few blinds at a NL5 table, buy into the $3+R MTT, drink 7 cups of coffee and there I was the next morning – dead tired but about 1700 USD richer. Time to go to bed.

“What?” I mumbled, picking up the phone while still half asleep

“Where are you?” my best friend asked

F*CK!!! It was Sunday and it was on. I had already missed the first couple of minutes. Now, let me get this straight. I was damn baller, I was the real deal. So it’s obviously not that I couldn’t afford a TV or anything. I just didn’t need one. TVs are for fags. Yeah, that’s what it is!! Right..?

Anyway, I quickly threw on a pair of shorts and my coat, jumped into my boots (yes, it was winter and it was snowing.. but it was an emergency and who needs a shirt anyway!) and 4 minutes later I was there, sitting on the couch at my best friend’s place and watching “Kaks takti ette” (an Estonian singing competition) with a smile on my face. Life was treating me well. However, there was no way I could resist installing PokerStars on his laptop. Just in case there’s some fish sitting in a table or a huge overlay on a tourney – “the usual”, you know. And what a brilliant coincidence: just when I figured I’d been officially crowned as the king of MTTs and that I was way over-rolled for pretty much anything really, Sunday Million was coming up shortly!

5 Red Bulls, few hours of Sunday Million, another 3-4 hours of $230 Turbo HU SNGs and I sadly had to admit – I wasn’t quite over-rolled for these games after all. I only wished I’d left a few dollars for the $3+R…

I still had a few notes of cash in my pocket, so I threw on my coat again in addition to the awkward enough combo of  shorts and a button-up shirt I borrowed, drove to this little 24h pizza place and bought…

…

…

…

A pack of Marlboro Lights – and I don’t even smoke! As a matter of fact, I sincerely hate smoking and I always have.

I drove back to my friend’s place, smoked 1/3 of the pack of cigarettes in a turbo-mode, feeling horribly sick. After that, I lay down on the couch and fell asleep. Somehow, it all just felt right.